anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The feeling are messing with the penis
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
