I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
