He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
