i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
