True but thats because hes a fetus.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
