What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
