I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
