Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
