Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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