i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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