So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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