My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
