Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
