i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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