I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
