Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
