there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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