I could make wine with my vomit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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