You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
