Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
