I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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