Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
