Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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