Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
