In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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