I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
