Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
