you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
