my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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