I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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