I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
