That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
