so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
