Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When are your genitals available?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
