Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
