Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
