I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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