I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish there were birth control emojis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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