He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She is in my trunk
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
