Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
