In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
