but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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