Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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