I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
