white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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