Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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