I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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