i can't believe i had my finger in that
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
