I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
