He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
