Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
