She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
