the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
