we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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